MY PHNOM PENH: Youk Chhang, Genocide archivist

Youk Chhang is the director of the Documentation Center of Cambodia and a Phnom Penh native. On the 41st anniversary of the city’s fall this week, he sat down with Audrey Wilson to recall some of his favourite sites of memory in Phnom Penh – and his hope for the capital’s future.

Russian Embassy

In the old days, this building belonged to the National Bank of Cambodia, and my uncle worked there. It was the tallest building in the city. Any employee of the National Bank could buy an apartment. Every other weekend, we would go there. On the fourth floor, you could see the river and the view. They had a soccer field, tennis court, volleyball court. It was very private. It’s also the first place in Phnom Penh to grow the royal yellow flower – I remember because I used to pick it and sell it to the foreigners. When I returned, it had become the Russian Embassy, so I had no access to it. It’s something that the past has taken away, and I want it back.

Battambang Restaurant

I love the streets near O’Russey Market. At Battambang Restaurant they sell num pav, you know, the Chinese cakes. They are considered the best in the city. I always buy it from that place – very cheap and very convenient. For me, the city is about food. When you come to Phnom Penh, you come to eat noodles. But in the noodle place, you also have num pav. Without the Chinese influence and num pav, it’s not Phnom Penh – it gives flavour to the city. Usually you go early in the morning – the cakes are fresh from the hot pot at five o’clock. I think most of my favourite places are based on memory. And num pav reminds me of Phnom Penh – that time and that place, it’s like when I would come with my mother, father and sister and buy that cake and bring it home. It’s not just the place, it’s the memory attached to it.

Norodom Boulevard

The first things I think of when I think of Phnom Penh are the phka trabek prey (purple flowers) on Norodom Boulevard. When I was a little boy, I used to ride my bicycle down it, and the flowers grow just during this time of year: April, May. When you think of Phnom Penh in the ’60s, before it was touched by war, it was a garden. Every house, every home had a garden. There’s a song about this flower by a woman named Dy Sakhan. She sang this song during the war, and the flower became a symbol of the city. She beautified the war. I like Norodom Boulevard most on Sunday mornings: jogging, running, bicycling. For me, the city now belongs to vehicles. That’s why Sunday morning is the only time: you can walk there, you can cross the street without worrying about traffic.

Tuol Kork Primary School

I go to my old primary school, Poeuv Oum, almost every holiday. It was the first place I learned to read and write. I put a little memorial there, at the high school. A lot of former students have returned and helped out. But the primary school brings back a lot of memories. It was very close to my old house, and the structure remains the same, still the same compound, still the same classrooms. In the high school in the old days, they had a flower called Tuesday Morning. I used to pick it and make tea for my grandmother. Now they’ve cut all the trees down, and it is called Tuol Kork primary school. My old house was knocked down six months ago – the house I was born in. It became a garage and carwash. The school is across the street, and that’s part of why I like to go. It’s still the same.

Sleuk Rith Institute

The Sleuk Rith Institute is my project for the future of Phnom Penh. I worked with Zaha Hadid to try to bring Phnom Penh to the globe, transforming the tragedy to strength. We also wanted to redesign Phnom Penh – I’ve been thinking a lot about the city plan since I started to work with her in 2013. We planned to reinvent the past, the canal bridges for example, and to create more space for the public. We studied photographs from the 1800s, 1900s – what Cambodia was like when it was not touched by war. It would be beautiful if our master plan were developed and adopted. We’ve worked with Cambodian engineers, architects and scholars; we all agreed that the charm had been lost, but there is no master plan. That’s why the idea of the Sleuk Rith Institute and the master plan came together: we believe in the future.

by Audrey Wilson,  The Phnom Penh Post, Fri, 22 April 2016

លង់ក្នុងភាពស្រមើស្រម៉ៃ

តើអ្នកជឿទេថា មនុស្សម្នាក់អាចរស់នៅក្នុងភាពស្រមើស្រម៉ៃរបស់ខ្លួន ឯងបានដែរឬទេ? មិនតែប៉ុណ្ណោះ តើអ្នកជឿទេថា មនុស្សម្នាក់អាចលង់ក្នុងភាពស្រមើស្រម៉ៃរបស់ខ្លួនឯងអស់ពេលជាច្រើនឆ្នាំដែរឬទេ? តើអ្នកជឿថាមនុស្សអាចបញ្ចុះបញ្ចូលឲ្យមនុស្សដទៃនៅជុំវិញខ្លួនជឿទៅលើអ្វីដែលមនុស្សម្នាក់នោះបានស្រមើស្រម៉ៃដែរឬទេ? ចំពោះខ្ញុំវិញ ខ្ញុំគិតថានេះជារឿងមួយដែលអាចកើតឡើងបាន។ អតីតកាល និងបទពិសោធន៍របស់មនុស្សម្នាក់ជាបច្ច័យញាំងឲ្យមនុស្សម្នាក់ព្យាយាមបង្កើតនូវការស្រមើស្រម៉ៃផ្សេងៗ ដើម្បីអាចរំដោះខ្លួនឯងឲ្យចាកផុតអំពីបញ្ហាដែលខ្លួនធ្លាប់ជួបប្រទះកន្លងមក។

មនុស្សខ្លះកុហកមិត្តភក្តិខ្លួនឯងដោយប្រាប់មិត្តភកិ្តទាំងអស់នោះថា ខ្លួនឯងកំពុងមានស្នេហា ដូចជានិយាយប្រាប់មិត្តភក្តិខ្លួនឯងថាគូស្នេហ៍របស់ខ្លួនចូលចិត្តរបស់នេះរបស់នោះ មិនចូលចិត្តរបស់នេះរបស់នោះ ធ្វើការនៅទីនេះទីនោះ ធ្លាប់ទៅដើរលេងនៅកន្លែងនេះកន្លែងនោះ ចូលចិត្តញាំម្ហូបនេះម្ហូបនោះ មិនចូលចិត្តងងឹត រូបរាងគួរឲ្យស្រឡាញ់ ជាដើម។ តាមពិតទៅ អ្វីដែលមនុស្សម្នាក់លើកឡើងគឺជារឿងអតីតកាលមួយដែលមនុស្សម្នាក់នោះអាចមិនចង់បំភ្លេច ឬមិនចង់ឲ្យកើតឡើង។ អ្វីដែលអាចសន្និដ្ឋានបានគឺ មនុស្សម្នាក់នោះអាចនឹងមិនទាន់កាត់ចិត្តអំពីអ្វីដែលបានបាត់បង់ ឬមិនអាចទទួលស្គាល់នូវអ្វីដែលបានកើតឡើង។ សេចក្តីសន្និដ្ឋានមួយទៀតអាចមកពីមនុស្សម្នាក់នោះមានអារម្មណ៍ខ្មាស់អៀនមិត្តខ្លួនឯង ដោយសារតែមនុស្សម្នាក់នោះមិនធ្លាប់មានស្នេហា ឬសង្សារដូចមិត្តភក្តិរបស់ខ្លួន។ ការកហុកខ្លួនឯងអាចធ្វើឲ្យមនុស្សម្នាក់កាន់តែលង់ជ្រៅពីមួយថ្ងៃទៅមួយថ្ងៃប្រសិនបើមនុស្សម្នាក់នោះមិនព្រមត្រឡប់មករស់នៅក្នុងបច្ចុប្បន្នកាលវិញ។ កាន់តែធ្ងន់ធ្ងរនោះ មនុស្សម្នាក់អាចធ្វើអ្វីៗឲ្យខ្លួនឯង ប៉ុន្តែប្រាប់មិត្តភក្តិរបស់ខ្លួនថា គូស្នេហ៍របស់ខ្លួនជាអ្នកធ្វើឲ្យ ដូចជាទិញចិញ្ចៀនឲ្យខ្លួនឯង ជាដើម។ ទង្វើបែបនេះអាចបណ្តាលមកពីកត្តាសង្គមជាអ្នកបង្កឡើង ពោលគឺប្រសិនបើសង្គមមួយឲ្យតម្លៃទៅលើភាពស៊ីវិល័យ និងភាពហុឺហារ។ នៅពេលដែលពេលវេលាដើរទៅមុខយូរទៅ ការកុហករបស់មនុស្សម្នាក់នោះទៅលើមិត្តភក្តិរបស់ខ្លួនកាន់តែច្រើនឡើងៗដែលអាចនឹងធ្វើឲ្យមនុស្សម្នាក់នោះមិនអាចដកខ្លួនឲ្យផុតអំពីទង្វើកុហក បើទោះបីជាការកុហកនោះមិនបានធ្វើឲ្យប៉ះពាល់ដល់មិត្តភិក្តរបស់ខ្លួនក៏ដោយ។

កត្តាសង្គម មិត្តភកិ្ត និងគ្រួសារអាចជាបញ្ហាដែលធ្វើឲ្យមនុស្សម្នាក់មានសម្ពាធ។ នៅពេលដែលមានសម្ពាធ មនុស្សម្នាក់ៗនឹងព្យាយាមធ្វើអ្វីមួយ ដើម្បីកាត់បន្ថយសម្ពាធ ប៉ុន្តែមធ្យោបាយនៃការកាត់បន្ថយសម្ពាធអាចជះលទ្ធផលមិនល្អដល់បុគ្គលនោះ ប្រសិនបើមធ្យោបាយដែលបានជ្រើសរើសនោះមិនត្រឹមត្រូវ។

សូមកុំឲ្យសង្គម មិត្តភក្តិ និងគ្រួសារក្លាចជាសម្ពាធមកលើរូបអ្នក! សូមដោះស្រាយបញ្ហាដោយការពិចារណា!

Another story….

"If you were a liar when you were a child, does that mean you'll be a liar for the rest of your life? I was such a liar when I was a kid. I lied openly, all the time. I used to tell my classmates that I had a father, when in reality my father was dead."
"Children always lie. When you're a kid, lying is like a game. Sometimes we lie to avoid suffering or to avoid hurting someone else."

Chance Encounter

“I want to ask you something, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I just feel like asking. You won’t get mad, will you?”

“No, I won’t get mad.”

“It’s kind of a strange question, but I don’t have any ulterior motive in asking it. I want you to understand that. I’m just a curious person. But some people get really angry about these things.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t get angry.”

“Are you sure? That’s what everybody says, and then they blow up.”

“I’m special, so don’t worry.”

“Did you ever have then experience of having a man do funny things to you when were little?”

“No, I don’t think so. Why?”

“I just wanted to ask. If it never happened to you, fine. Anyway, have you ever had a lover? I mean, someone you were seriously involved with?”

“Never.”

“Not even once?”

“Not even once. To tell you the truth, I was a virgin until I turned twenty-six.”

“A beautiful woman like you? I can’t believe it.”

“I just wasn’t interested.”

“Not interested in men?”

“I did have one person I fell in love with. It happened when I was ten. I held his hand.”

“You fell in love with a boy when you were ten? That’s all?”

“That’s all.”

“So, where is the boy now? What’s he doing?”

“I don’t know. We were in the same third- and fourth-grade classes in Ichikawa in Chiba, but I moved to a school in Tokyo in the fifth grade, and I never saw him again, never heard anything about him. All I know is that, if he’s still alive, he should be twenty-nine years old now. He’ll probably turn thirty this fall.”

“Are you telling me you never thought about trying to find out where he is or what he’s doing? It wouldn’t be that hard, you know.”

“I never felt like taking the initiative to find out.”

“That’s so strange. If it were me, I’d do everything I could to locate him. If you love him that much, you should track him down and tell him so to his face.”

“I don’t want to do that. What I want is for the two of us to meet somewhere by chance one day, like, passing on the street, or getting on the same bus.”

“Destiny. A chance encounter.”

“More or less. That’s when I’ll open up to him. ‘The only one I’ve ever loved in this life is you.’”

“How romantic! But the odds of a meeting like that are pretty low. And besides, you haven’t seen him for twenty years. He might look completely different. You could pass him on the street and never know.”

“I’d know. His face might have changed, but I’d know him at a glance. I couldn’t miss him.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“So you go on waiting, believing that this chance encounter is bound to happen.”

“Which is why I always pay attention when I walk down the street.”

“Incredible. But as much as you love him, you don’t mind having sex with other men – at least after you turned twenty-six.”

“That’s all just in passing. It doesn’t last.”

“Sorry if this is getting too personal, but did something happen to you when you were twenty-six?”

“Something did happen. And it changed me completely. But I can’t talk about it here and now. Sorry.”

“That’s perfectly okay. Did I put you in a bad mood asking all these questions?”

“Not in the least.”

“Are you afraid, though?”

“Afraid of what?”

“Don’t you see? You and he might never cross paths again. Of course, a chance meeting could occur, and I hope it happens. I really do, for your sake. But realistically speaking, you have to see there’s a huge possibility you’ll never be able to meet him again. And even if you do meet, he might already be married to somebody else. He might have two kids. Isn’t that so? And in that case, you may have to live the rest of your life alone, never being joined with the one person you love in all the world. Don’t you find that scary?”

“Maybe I do. But at least I have someone I love.”

“Even if he never loved you?”

“If you can love someone with your whole heart, even one person, then there’s salvation in life. Even if you can’t get together with that person.”

“You’re amazine, the way you can put this in such a philosophical perspective.”

“I’m not being philosophical. I’m just telling you what I honestly think.”

“I was in lvoe with somebody once. Right after I graduated from high school. The boy I first had sex with. He was three years older than me. But he dumped me for somebody else right away. I went kind of wild after that. It was really hard on me. I got over him, but I still haven’t recovered from the wild part. He was a real two-timing bastard, a smooth talker. But I really loved him.”

“He still calls me once in a while, says he wants to get together. All he wants is my body, of course. I know that. So I don’t see him. I know it would just be another mess if I did. Or should I say my brain knows it, but my body always reacts. It wants him so badly! When these things build up, I let myself go crazy again. I wonder if you know what I mean.”

“I certainly do.”

“He’s really an awful guy, pretty nasty, and he’s not that good in bed, either. But at least he’s not scared of me, and while I’m with him he treats me well.”

“Feelings like that don’t give you any choice, do they? They come at you whenever they want to. It’s not like choosing food from a menu.”

“It is in one way: you have regrets after you make a mistake.”

It’s the same with menus and men and just about anything else: we think we’re choosing things for ourselves, but in fact we may not be choosing anything. It could be that everything’s decided in advance and we pretend we’re making choices. Free will may be an illusion. I often think that.”

“If that’s true, life is pretty dark.”

“Maybe so.”

“But if you can love someone with your whole heart – even if he’s a terrible person and even if he doesn’t love you back – life is not a hell, at least, though it might be kind of dark. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Exactly.”

“But still, it seems to me that this world has a serious shortage of both logic and kindness.”

“You may be right. But it’s too late to trade it in for another one.”

“The exchange window expired a long time ago. And the receipt’s been thrown away.”

“You said it.”

“Oh, well, no problem. The world is going to end before we know it.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“And the kingdom is going to come.”

“I can hardly wait.”